I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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