I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
