haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
