Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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