Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
