My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
