I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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