I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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