I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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