I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
