I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize