I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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