I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
