The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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