just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
