I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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