you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
