Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
