Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
