so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
