Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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