Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
