I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
