So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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