Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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