I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
