it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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