Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize