if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
