as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
