Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
