if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
