No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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