bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
