we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
