Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
