I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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