I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
