Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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