thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize