i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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