im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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