First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
