Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
