So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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