so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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