Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
