He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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