remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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