Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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