If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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