I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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