I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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