I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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