I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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