I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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