Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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