No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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