I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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