I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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