she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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