I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
