That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
