gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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