break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
