We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
