and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
