At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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