does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
