Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
