Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
