Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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