He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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