How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
