Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
