You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
