Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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