Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
