State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
